If finding an academic job fails…

Romulus and Remus!

Romulus Remus, Vatican Museums

When I was in the gift shop of the Capitoline Museums, there was this American (presumably from USA?) guy trying to get the cashier – who was on the phone – to answer a query of his. His question was about the Capitoline She-Wolf. So I spoke up and explained to him the story of Romulus and Remus, gesturing to a magnet with said She-Wolf, saying that they were twin brothers conceived by Mars, and their uncle buried their mother, a Vestal Virgin, alive, while setting the babies adrift in the Tiber. They were saved by a She-Wolf who suckled them, and Romulus went on to found Rome.

I’m pretty sure I left the fratricide out of the picture.

He thanked me, and somehow it came up that I’m a PhD student in ancient history. Then he went to browse some other things while I agonised over whether or not to buy a magnet of Constantine’s big, giant head. (I saved my money in the end…)

A few minutes later, he said to me, ‘Hey, man, since I have an expert here,’ [I love being an expert!] ‘can I ask you a few more questions?’

‘Sure,’ I said.

His first question was about a three-headed dog. I said that his name was Fluffy – jk, I said that that’s Cerberus, the guard-dog to Hell, and that one time Hercules beat Cerberus up and brought him to the upper world.

His next question was if Constantine was the one who ruined the Roman Empire. I said that, no, most scholars are agreed that the Fall of the (Western) Roman Empire Is Not Constantine’s Fault. I said that, in fact, the Empire was very strong for most of the fourth century after Constantine’s reign, since many of his reforms and those of his predecessor, Diocletian, helped bring stability. I said that it wasn’t until a century later, in the mid-400s, that things started falling apart.

His third question was about the images of Jesus being crucified that he’s seen, and he wanted to know why in a lot of them there is a wound in Jesus’ side. So I explained that that’s because the soldiers were going around to break the legs of the people being crucified to make them die faster, but found Jesus apparently already dead. So they stabbed him in the side to be sure, and the wound bled what appeared to be blood and water – which, I said, is actually the plasma separating from the rest of the blood upon death so that it runs clear but everything else looks ‘normal’ — thus, blood and ‘water’.

He thanked me and asked if there was a book I could recommend or a TV show or something so he could learn about this stuff. And, you know me, I spend time thinking about stuff to recommend people so they can get into Classics, stuff that is both readable and accurate. And no books came to mind. Thankfully, I remembered Mary Beard’s documentary Meet the Romans (that I received for my birthday on DVD just before coming to Italy!), so he took its name and hers down on his phone. I told him that Mary Beard is good because she writes stuff that normal people could/would actually read.

My fellow museum-goer left, and I went to browse the books, where I found one of the books I’ve recommended on this blog in the past, The Penguin Historical Atlas of Ancient Rome. But it was too late. At least he had Prof Beard to guide him on his way!

Then I got to thinking – I liked that! I mean, one of the reasons I want to be a professor of Classics is to teach people about Romans and Latin and ancient literature and even ancient art (if I ever feel qualified for that last one!). I really like the Classical world, and I want to see other people become interested, too. I don’t want to keep my knowledge to myself, but share it with other people. And those people needn’t always be undergrads, right?

Fact is, the academic job market is not super-great right now. Obviously, university lecturing would be my first choice of job. Failing that, I’d be interested in teaching Latin/Classics at a private school somewhere (I’m not qualified to teach in the government-run schools, having done no teacher’s college). Third option, as of my trip to the Capitoline Museums?

Tour guide.

Seriously. It’s fun when the subject matter is interesting, you know what you’re talking about, and the people are both engaging and engaged with the subject matter. I always enjoyed giving tours to keen groups at Fort William Historical Park, after all. Mind you, they were mostly children, but not always.

I would not be one of those people standing around near museums and attractions trying to round up randoms off the street, though. I would apply to work for those tour companies that are pre-booked, preferably the ones targeted to people with an interest in history (I see their ads in every issue of BBC History or History Today).

I think it would be fun to teach normal people about ancient things surrounded by ancient things! It would be exhilarating! It would be interesting. I’m sure many days it would be dull, and many tourists would be frustrating. But overall, the academic historical tour guide is not necessary a bad job.

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